Single Desi: Life Lessons & Moving OnBy Monica Marwah • May 26th, 2012 • Category: 24/7 Talk is Cheap - The Blog
Desi Single: Life Lessons & Moving On
Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain’t how hard you can hit. It’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It’s how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning’s done.” – Rock Balboa (Sylvester Stallone)
Those of us who have lived a full life have experienced many different types of people. When we wander this earth, we meet good people and we meet bad people. The percentage of good people versus bad people that we meet depends on our past sins and karma. However, depending on how life has gone, we have met people that have hurt us or people that have helped us grow. I often wonder what makes us forgive someone more than someone else.
Think about a time when someone has hurt you badly. How did you feel? What was your reaction? Did your world shatter? Did you get past it?
Now let me ask you a question: How willing were you to forgive that person. Did you ruminate for hours, days, weeks on what that person did? Did you never get over it? Are you thick-skinned? Do you not let people get to you?
Those are very important questions that you might want to think about, as you think about different perpetrators that have crossed your path.
Research from psychology today suggests that if the perpetrator of harm expressed guilt and regret, forgiveness comes easy. We don’t forgive those who harm us when they have no regret about their actions. Guilt is a difficult emotion to express. We can, however, read it in some body language or combination of signals. Our empathy system, based on mirror neurons, picks up the most subtle of cues leading us to identification with a person in pain, even a person who has harmed us.
Therefore, we can become aware when a person feels guilty or has remorse over their actions.
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Do you take responsibility for the emotional pain that others have inflicted on you? Do you feel excessively bad? Do you blame yourself for not being good enough to please this person? Do you walk away? Do you not care?
Some of us take life very seriously; some of us don’t take life seriously enough. Some of us are in between. No matter what category you fall into, you can be damaged by other people’s emotional outbursts or nasty actions. As a psychologist, I cannot stress enough the importance of moving on and letting go. I know it is easier said than done.
I constantly tell friends, relatives, and students that being at the moment is not your destination. In the beginning of your life – teenage years and 20’s – you carry a lot of emotional baggage and hormones with you. You have a tendency to be overly sensitive. You want to do everything correctly for yourself. Life can get in the way. Other people may not be as cooperative as you originally planned for when you had your hopes and dreams mapped out. You want to be identified. You have a vision and things need to go according to that vision or you feel like a failure. I am here to tell you that life keeps going and there are many twists and turns ahead. There isn’t one type of person you need to look up to. There isn’t one type of life you need to aspire to living. Within the course of a lifetime, there are many different twists and turns, many different lives and surprises along the way.
Life is all about lessons learned. Make sure to learn from your experiences. Don’t put your trust in people who lack empathy or fail to keep your secrets safe. Learn from your prior mistakes and keep moving. There is plenty of life to cover and enjoy the ride.
(Monica Marwah is a 30 something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)
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