Desi Girl’s 7 Myths for Nirvana

3
Lassi with Lavina guest blog - Sex and the Single Desi is about South Asian Americans and relationships

It's All About Relationships

Desi Girl’s 7 Must-haves for Nirvana

Desi happiness guide by Monica Marwah in the blog Sex & the Single Desi on Lassi with Lavina

Illustration: Dipanjan Bose

Happiness….we all just want to be happy….we want it, need it and crave it.  So why do we struggle with achieving it?  Experts have discovered that the things everyone thinks are the keys to bliss don’t really create a life you love.  Here are all the things we think we need, but really don’t.

Desi Myth 1. Milking the Cash Cow

I will be the first person to admit that everyone needs to have money.  Research suggests that people are happier when they can afford the basics such as shelter, clothes, food and medicine. Having a lot of money is key to enjoying life.  I love watching my bank account grow from week to week and definitely have my clothing and accessory addiction from month to month.

However, thanks to a phenomenon called the Hedonist Treadmill, humans are wired to accumulate things and then outgrow them, so that we could evolve into better people.  We have a tendency to outgrow our luxury items and want more and strive for bigger and better things.  We see our lucky desi friend enjoy a house on the beach and therefore, we become competitive and want something equivalent or better than that and it never ends.
Researchers believe that what does make you happy is appreciating the items that you already have.  Go through your handbag collection and be thankful for all the pricey handbags you have accumulated over the years.  Save them, keep them looking as good as new, keep your clothes looking brand new by organizing them frequently and dry cleaning them when needed.  All in all, everything should be looking faboosh.
Using your cash for experiences such as taking fun classes, a romantic getaway, ski weekend, and /or fancy trips to exotic locations can bring far greater joy than constantly upgrading your clothing and accessory line.

Desi Myth 2. Life is a Non-stop Party!


We all love desi events and celebrations.  We look forward to them, we love dressing to impress and the social aspect of our lives.  However relying on these very sacred events to fill us up is not the best way to live.  Depending on these desi events alone can be detrimental to the happiness factor.  These events come and go along with your happiness.  Our happiest moments are unplanned and spontaneous.   It might not sound exciting, but what truly makes us happy are our routines and everything in between.  Think about some routines and change them up a bit.  Suppose you have a glass of wine every Friday night.  Try having one Friday and Saturday one weekend or just Saturday.

Desi Myth 3. Nothing’s Wrong!

There is a lot of social pressure to be happy and upbeat.  Hiding your true emotions can take its toll on your mental and physical health.  Allow your emotions to determine what you really want in life.  Think back to a bad relationship or bad boss.  Think of how you acted when you were dealing with the stress of it all.  You were able to navigate yourself away from a bad situation because you weren’t happy and you needed your life to change.  Allow yourself to sniff out what is good and not so good and start making changes.  Know that you have to power to change your situation and circumstances by being tuned in to how you are really feeling.

Desi happiness guide by Monica Marwah in the blog Sex & the Single Desi on Lassi with Lavina

Illustration: Dipanjan Bose

Desi Myth 4. Girls Wanna Play


Thank god it’s Monday.  We all fantasize about trips to exotic locations and five star restaurants.  However dragging your ass to work every Monday makes you more content than you realize.  We really are happiest when we have a purpose in life.  It is a fun to sit around and do nothing, however, without a cause you wouldn’t feel like the accomplished, desirable desi women that you are.  Beating deadlines, participating in meetings, sharing work ideas can all be beneficial to our sense of purpose.  Research suggests that you actually feel more physically and emotionally stronger.  Giving your brain a break is essential; however, a combination of work and play can really make you enjoy your life.

Desi Myth 5. Living it up like a Rock Star


Going through pictures of celebrity bashes can easily make you wish you could fly to Vegas and hang out with Kim Kardashian on her birthday.  However depending on celebrity endorsed events will ultimately leave you feeling unenthused.  Sensual pleasures such as an apple martini is important, however it doesn’t leave you feeling ecstatic.  Alcohol is a depressant, so you need more and more of it to get that initial boost and relaxed feeling.  Deep meaningful conversations with true friends are what makes one feel good and emotionally satisfied.  Meeting a friend for dinner will help avoid the hangover and help deepen your relationship.  Who knows, you may realize you connect on a much deeper level after conversing intimately.

Desi Myth 6. Revenge is Sweet

We have all been through it.  Being the victim of someone else’s wrongdoing.  It really hurts us when someone close to us betrays our trust, but should we react to it??  Always know that there is a difference between justice and revenge and the latter feels a lot emptier.  You would think that cooking up some delicious retribution would leave you feeling stronger and more empowered.  Think again:  while plotting your revenge can sound good, it only brings up hostile memories and evokes anxiety and depression.  It’s kind of like spilling hot tea on yourself and expecting the other person to get burned.  Take pride in the fact that you are a better and more spiritual human being.  Don’t try and one up.  Life will eventually even out.

Desi Myth 7. You have to be perfect

Let’s face it, in a society where social networking is as easy as a click of a button, we all want to move ourselves to a better version of ourselves.  We are living in a time where everyone has something to say and teach us.  With tools such as Twitter and Facebook, we often compare ourselves to others and wonder if we are enough.   Self improvement is important, but only to a point.  We always think that if we had the perfect lover, job, house, and friend then our lives would be so much better.  This is not necessarily the case.  As human beings, we have the ability to adapt quickly to our circumstances.  After adaptation, we are in the same exact boat and wonder what we can do next.  Don’t sweat it.  Start paying attention to what you have already achieved.  Be appreciative and give yourself credit.  Think Heidi Montag and her 10 plastic surgeries…does she really look perfect now?

xoxo

Monica Marwah

Monica Marwah, who blogs about the single desi on Lassi with Lavina

Monica Marwah, a single desi who writes about the experience

( Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist  in Philadelphia.  After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships.  Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )

Share.

About Author

is a single desi who writes about the experience in her blog posts. You can connect on Twitter at lollipop77 or on LinkedIn and Facebook with Monica Marwah.

3 Comments

  1. Wonderful!! Thanks Kriti and Deepti!! I am glad you enjoyed everything…I will keep it coming:)

    xoxo

    Monica