No Kids Please in our Relationship!
To have children or not that is the question. Some people can’t wait to have children. They have wanted children since their high school graduation; some people want to live life, see where they go and experience their own selves before committing to someone else; some people want to get an education, get multiple degrees, work different jobs and establish their independence; some people want to have a single life, no strings attached, do whatever, whenever. Lifestyles are a choice and one should be free to live how they want to live in life.
Life is what Happens When We are Busy Making Other Plans:
Perspectives in life change as we age. We might start out being very committed in our youth and live a noncommittal life as soon as we are old enough to leave our parent’s home. Not due to what we want, but the plan that god has for our lives. Independent lives entail dating different people to decide who is good for us; changing friends when certain people aren’t good for us; changing jobs frequently to climb the ladder of success and gathering other real life experiences for our own knowledge and expertise.
Before we know it, we hit our mid thirties and we haven’t found that stable partner. Life isn’t the same as it was. We have changed so much. We know the world better. We understand what it is like to be an adult in this generation. We know the trend of our lives. We know the value of money. We have been defined. We have aged and we have been there done that. If someone would have asked us, what we wanted 10 years ago- we had a traditional map for our future. Today in our mid thirties-not so much.
Kids Included? No Guarantees!
What if you meet someone who is your age, slightly older or slightly younger and their life goals are different? You may want kids and they may not OR vice versa. You may not want kids and they may want kids. However you like each other a lot. Is it a deal breaker? Should you guys move on? Or should you guys see what happens? Maybe one of you will change your mind. Should one of you change your minds for the sake of the other person? What do you think?
Based on my own experience, if you meet someone, and you like them a lot and they have different goals for their life, people may be willing to change the course of their goals. Sometimes, as people grow together, they may yearn for the same things. Other times, the pain of not getting what you want can leave devastating effects on a person’s psyche. However, life doesn’t offer guarantees. There is no guarantee that if you leave the man or women of your dreams to look for someone else, you might get the whole package.
I believe that ultimately it is a person’s individual choice on what they are willing to accept and why. Finding 100 percent compatibility is challenging. However, one should not give up their own personal dreams to appease another person, as resentment can sometimes play out. Some people who don’t find compatibility with their partners do adopt at a later age or go via sperm donor (therefore they can achieve their dream of becoming a mother or father). You should choose your own path and ultimately do what is best for you, as no one loves you or knows you better than you know yourself.
Hope this clarifies some of your concerns.
( Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)
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