The Single Desi on Love in the 20’s and 30’s
Can’t wait to be married….love you now and forever Aditi XXX!
Doesn’t that just warm your heart!? Isn’t young 20-something love the best? Well, I guess it depends on who you are. That is what I woke up to Sunday morning, when I saw the Facebook status of this groom who was going to be married later that day in New Delhi, India. In a country that is filled with so many contradictions, there are communities of people that rise above everything, find each other, fall in love and simply want to be together because it is fun!
As a first generation single desi, your journey is about identifying yourself, creating your day and your profession, creating an identity with your roots and creating an identity in America and then figuring out who is going to work for you – through marriage . In the meantime, you have to decide what your interests are and make sure that you enjoy them to the fullest.
Of course you turn to shows such as the Mindy Project and read Asif Mandvi’s new book, ‘No Land’s Man’ to really recognize that there are other immigrants out there that are experiencing similar stories as you (isn’t social media great?).
Love & Marriage – Questions, Questions, Questions…
However, one can’t help but wonder, who would I be, if I hadn’t immigrated? Who would I have met and would I have been destined for a good marriage, with a rich man, lots of partying, and lots of romance ( like Aditi,-25 years old ) OR would I have to struggle with my married life and constantly prove my worth to a man who doesn’t appear to care that much about me? Would I have stayed married to a man who didn’t treat me that well because of my inner need to change and fix him, or would I have been able to find love in a healthy and satisfying way?
Well, if you want my opinion, I believe that similar luck runs in your family. Not to mention nature plays a huge role in what you attract. Being Punjabi from New Delhi, there are good people and there are not so good people. If you were only from India, none of the confusion and identity issues would be an issue. Who do we first learn relationships from? I believe that if you recognize at a young age what you do and don’t want then you can prevent the cycle from repeating once you get to your 30’s and 40’s. However you have to exceed the typical marrying age of 28 to really, truly know what you want and who you are.
Go West, Go East?
Living out in the west, you are shown different styles of living, you can run back to India and the community you came from or you can run away from India and live solely out in the West. It is your choice. You have a choice on how you would like to live. In India, there is so much family pressure and cultural pressure, that there generally is one way of thinking and behaving. It really depends on the community you come from that determines your future direction in life.
When family cycles repeat, you automatically dive into situations head first (and your heart does all the thinking). Repetition does come into play, and you start to think (Oh my god, I am turning into _____(insert family member).
So my solution would be recognize what you do and don’t want from life and then change it, whether it is with yourself or with a partner. Life is short, phases come and go, your 30-something self isn’t the same as your 20-something self, so make the best of any given moment.
Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)