Single Desi – New You, Visiting the Past
Visiting family and old high school friends is a part of life – especially if you are settled in a city away from them.
This blog is for those of you in your 20’s and 30’s that live far from your family and have spontaneously made a trip down and decided to spend some quality time visiting with your parents and high school friends.
Spending quality time with your family does not necessarily mean you have to compromise the person you are today. Let’s face it, you are all grown up. As soon as you left your parents’ home you changed. Dealing with generation X and Y, working different jobs, making friends, balancing your relationship with your current boyfriend has all led you to a more grown up you. No matter what anyone wants from you, you will never return to your high school identity. It is your life now and you create the rules
I mean don’t get me wrong, there are some great things about returning home like free dinners out, your mom’s homemade burfi (yum), your mom’s home cooked food and your parents’ lovely guidance (remember that). However, now you are your own person and you have a mind of your own.
Staying with your parents can also do a number on your psyche. For example, sleeping in your childhood bed can bring out some regressive tendencies. Your parents will have a tendency to treat you as they always have treated you because to them you are frozen in time. You are still a senior in high school ready to take on the world, and they are there to catch you if you happen to fall. A friend of mine who recently went home to visit her parents left her bed undone after she woke up. Her mother immediately started to nag her as if she was in high school again. However, my friend simply told her mother that in her own place, she usually takes a shower before making the bed.
Another change between your home and your parents’ home could be the ongoing presence of anything Indian. Remember that? Bollywood, Bramachamari, Zee TV, Fashion Shows, Award Shows, Indian soap operas appear to be taking up the morning, and evening time. You, on the other hand, do not remember the last time you watched a Bollywood movie. Not because you didn’t want to, but because life has simply handed you other cards. A life that has been guided away from the Indian culture. Do not feel guilty, just follow along and pay attention. If you know the key players in Bollywood, knowledge and understanding will come quickly.
Keep in mind that your parents’ identity and marriage is built on how they raised you and how you use to behave in high school. When everyone has a role in the family, they feel as if they know how to relate to one another.
Expectations of High School Friends
So you are back home, I mean you absolutely have to spend time with your high school friends… they knew you way back when you first went through your struggles of immigration and when you really didn’t know anything about yourself or what to expect out of life. They have seen you grow, they have molded you into the person you are today…right? Okay, that isn’t exactly true…..it is actually the experiences you had from 18 and onwards that make you look at life a certain way….
However, your high school friends still expect you to party at the nearest club, however you have now been there and done that….you would much prefer a quiet dinner than revisiting the night clubs you used to visit in high school when they had age 14-17 night….right? You also aren’t that daring risk taker you use to be…you’ve grown up…
Always remember that you aren’t doing anything wrong by being you. You are the way you are because life has taught you to be you. It is okay to have moved on from certain interests. For example at one time, you liked to try the food in the restaurants and now you would much rather save you r money for an extravagant vacation.
Time moves on and people change. Be proud of yourself for growing and developing new interests. Don’t be ashamed if you changed political affiliations. You are entitled to make your own decisions from the information you are given.
True adulthood means loving and accepting yourself for who you have become. Others are just going to have to accept that.
( Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)
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