Single Desi – Shying Away From Love & Intimacy

Single Desi - Photo by Harpreet Thinking

Photo: Harpreet Thinking

 Single Desis –  Looking for Answers


Anyone who is single and desi has asked themselves the following questions:

  1.  What are my goals in life?  What do I want to see happen?
  2. What do I want out of life?
  3. Where am I headed?
  4. Who is going to change my life for the better or worse?
  5. Who am I?
  6. Now that this part of life is over, where do I go from here?


Am I right?  Are you pondering the above mentioned questions?  Have you ever pondered these questions?  Well I am willing to bet that you are not alone.  Being curious about your life is crucial to living.  If you weren’t curious, what would you think about? Despite pondering these questions, the majority of people keep going in their directions.

Single Desis –  Habits & Beliefs

After talking to a great many people, I have come to realize that people are nothing more than their habits and belief systems.

Habits are all the things you do to reduce anxiety.  What are some of your habits?  I love going to rock concerts.  Some of the upcoming concerts I have planned include New Kids on the Block, Maroon 5 and Justin Timberlake.  Watching dance and pop shows has always been a form of a stress reliever.  It is what I do, and I love it.  After years of attending shows and concerts, it is a part of psyche and I can’t imagine life any other way.  I would say it is now a habit.  Oh did I mention, I also get the DVD of Blu Ray when it comes out?

Beliefs: include how you feel about yourself.  Beliefs can be conscious or unconscious.  You can develop your beliefs from how you have been treated in life; how your parents raised you; who you attract; what works and what doesn’t work.

Everyone’s belief system is composed of an interlocking of beliefs, beginning with the master  – namely self esteem.  How do you feel about yourself?  Do you get offended when people simply state the obvious?  Do you view yourself as valuable, competent, beautiful, and a hard worker?  Your self esteem is mainly what you believe to be true.

I am sure we all know someone who doesn’t appear to be a looker.  However they are so charming that their looks simply don’t matter.  Mainly because they are a beautiful person on the inside.

Desi Parties, Date-less Individuals

Now let’s delve into the desi single scene.  Given the amount of desi parties available to young and aging desis, why are there so many dateless individuals?  Does the saying “Rolling stone gathers no moss,” apply in this situation? Studies and biology have suggested that love and intimacy is a great life landmark.  Yet more and more people are shying away from that kind of connection.  What are some of the reasons for this?  Is fear a factor?  Have you viewed your parents’ marriage as something not to be desired and therefore connection is scary for you?

Are you scared that someone won’t like the real you?  Have you been alone too long to even need someone to complete you?   Have you always been a group person and one-on-one is simply not your thing? Do you not know how to be intimate?  Only you know the answers.  But keep in mind, it is all connected to your habits and belief systems.


Monica Marwah writes about single desi relationships in 'Sex and the Single Desi' on Lassi with Lavina

Monica Marwah

(Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest.  She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely.  After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own.  Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)

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Related Posts:

Straight Talk from the Single Desi
Desi Dilemma- Pros and cons of the Single Life
The Single Desi Conquering the Inner Bully
Single Desi – Mid 30′s – What Now


About Author

is a single desi who writes about the experience in her blog posts. You can connect on Twitter at lollipop77 or on LinkedIn and Facebook with Monica Marwah.


  1. Lavina Melwani on

    Via the Lassi with Lavina page on Facebook:

    Ami Jhaveri, Rohika Hardas and Reshma Dhawan like this.
    Ami Jhaveri So true!???! because men don’t follow up on phonecalls sometimes…. perhaps……..