Single Desi Woman: Motherhood after 35

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Dilemma of the single desi woman - Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

Dilemma of the single desi woman – Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

Single Desi – Running in Place, Running out of Time

It is no secret that women in their 30’s have major decisions they have to make.  If they are single, they are making these decisions independently.  Some of the decisions are:

-Where do I live that maximizes by single life and isn’t far from my job.

-Do I have enough money to support myself or do I need another job.

-Where do I find the one and finally get married.

-How do I want to spend my single life?

-Do I want the responsibility of a dog?

-Does a parent need care-giving?

-How do I effectively plan for my future?

-What kind of life do I want to have?

-Do I want to eventually get married and have kids at this point or do I want to settle with a dog.

-At what age do I want to give up the dream of having a family and live comfortably without the pressure of looking for the one?

-At what age is too old to go to the networking events?

 

 

Dilemma of the single desi woman - Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

Dilemma of the single desi woman – Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

 

As a single year old 30 something woman, I have spent the majority of my 30’s traveling and seeing different places when I wasn’t working.  In my 30’s alone, I have been to LA, Costa Rica, Las Vegas, New York, Miami, Boca Raton, Thailand, Greece, France, India, Houston, Washington, Hawaii and a number of other places.  My single life has consisted of traveling and attending concerts and sporting events.  However as time goes on, serious decisions need to be made.

Once you hit your 30’s, you aren’t going back.  It is essentially your last time to have children before having children at a later age of 40.  If you are in your 20’s, you have a lot of time on your hands; you can mess up and get back in the dating game.  You have a lot of energy to introduce yourself and re- introduce yourself to different people….  However 30 something women know that they are running out of time and their biological clock is ticking.

30 something women have to make the choice of whether to be parents without a life partner in which case, their option would either be adoption or in vitro fertilization.  Nowadays, there are a lot of women who want children and want to move on with their life without the help of a partner.

 

Wanted: A baby. Monica Cruz – Her Story

Here is one amazing woman’s journey of invitro fertilization: She shares her experience below:

Monica Cruz, Penelope Cruz’s younger sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl earlier this year.

At 36-years-old and without a partner, the actress decided in 2012 to undergo fertility treatment to become a mother. She made it public on her blog at S Fashion, under El Pais newspaper. In the post titled ‘The Dream of My Life” Monica explained: “To get pregnant, I have resorted to artificial insemination. I want to openly talk about it because this is an opportunity to show my gratitude to all those anonymous donors who help many women to meet, like me, the dream of their life.”
During an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, she confessed she doesn’t feel particularly brave about her choice of single motherhood. To her, the most important thing is not whether or not she has a partner or is married, but being physically and mentally healthy.
She was quoted: “It is an act of generosity. You stop being on the first place. I have no fear. If you have a family or support you are never alone and that’s what really matters. I do not feel alone.” However, Monica has stated that she will not reveal the name of her baby or show her publicly. She wants to protect the privacy of the newborn as fiercely as her sister Penelope did with her first son, Leo, who has rarely been seen in public places.

 

Man woman, child - the enigma. Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

Man woman, child – the enigma. Illustration by Dipanjan Bose

 

Motherhood after 35 and the biological clock

Although she still has four years left before turning 40, Monica has no qualms about sharing her thoughts about motherhood at a mature age on her blog. “I think we are not yet well aware that, unfortunately, we have a short time to be moms. This is not to suggest that we should rush to have children or do it in a crazy way. I think that’s the most important decision of a woman’s life,” Monica posted.

As the Madrilenian actress says, a 40-year-old woman still is and feels very young, but “motherhood runs its own way and is measured with another watch that, unfortunately, we can’t control.” Before undergoing medical treatment, Monica asked the doctors about her chances of becoming a mother by natural means and was a little depressed to learn that after 37 years of age the chances of conceiving naturally plummet “down to a speed that is scary.” To her, it seemed too risky to wait until the right partner showed up and she decided to realize her desire to be a mother alone.

 

Advice for Single Desi Women

Single desi woman are everywhere in New York City, and I know it is not always easy to just make this kind of decision.  You want your parents’ blessings and you want some sort of support system.  Therefore I would strongly recommend talking to your family, explaining your concerns about parenthood, explaining that you don’t want to be at an older age when your child is just 10 years old.  If you want to wait a while, you can always inquire about freezing your eggs.  Talk to your doctors and make an informed decision based on your circumstances.

Good luck ladies!

xoxo

Monica Marwah

Monica Marwah writes about single desi relationships in 'Sex and the Single Desi' on Lassi with Lavina

Monica Marwah

 

( Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest.  She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely.  After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own.  Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)

 

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Related Posts:

Straight Talk from the Single Desi

Desi Dilemma- Pros and cons of the Single Life
The Single Desi Conquering the Inner Bully
Single Desi – Mid 30′s – What Now

 

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About Author

is a single desi who writes about the experience in her blog posts. You can connect on Twitter at lollipop77 or on LinkedIn and Facebook with Monica Marwah.

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