The Single Desi – Conquering the Inner BullyBy Monica Marwah • Apr 14th, 2012 • Category: 24/7 Talk is Cheap - The Blog
Single Desi: Dispelling Childhood Myths
More and more of us are searching for opportunities to help improve our daily lives. We want to find the best out there and we strive to achieve it. Unfortunately, we don’t always work with a clear mind. There is so much distraction in our environment and in our own heads. Some of us have constant chatter and noise inside our own minds. We often try to dispel myths that we grew up with and hope that we can outgrow upsetting experiences that have brought us down in the past.
Some of the negative voices that resonate in your mind could be:
-I am not as good as that person…so why bother trying.
-Things never work out for me.
-I just can’t
-Why do bad things always happen to me?
-How many times do I have to mess up before I finally quit?
These voices are often automatic, and continuous, they act as inner bullies and keep us from moving forward. We remain stuck and feel victimized by ourselves. We are unable to change our set ways and live life freely because of our inner voices.
The Inner Bully
These inner voices come from childhood experiences gone bad. While these fear based experiences helped protect ourselves when we were children, they don’t necessarily work as adults.
As children, we were the victim of our parent’s rules and regulations; peer cliques; peer communities; hormonal drives, school rules and age restrictions. However as an adult, you have much more control over your situation. You are able to consciously walk away from unhealthy situations, and make conscious choices regarding where to live and who to hang out with.
If left untreated, our inner voices can restrict our daily lives. Let’s face it, we all want to operate on the pleasure principle (a person who seeks pleasure and avoids pain), however life is about trying new things and experiencing different kinds of opportunities. If we listen to our inner voices, we will never make improvements or gains from where we were as children.
When our inner voices dictate our personal well being, it is called schemas. Based on our earliest experiences with caregivers, schemas contain information about our own abilities to survive independently, how others will treat us, outcomes we deserve in life and how safe the world is.
Negative Schemas can hurt us, as we start to behave in ways that fulfill and guide our inner thoughts. We often interpret experiences in ways that make them seem true, even if they aren’t. We start restricting ourselves and limiting our daily lives.
So the next time you start having doubts about trying something new, making a new friend or following a new trend, just keep in mind that these thoughts come from somewhere, and you have the ability to challenge yourself into engaging in a new activity.
(Monica Marwah is a 30 something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)