The Single Desi – First and Lost Loves
We all remember what it was like to be in our teenage years and 20’s, right? The thrill and excitement of trying everything for the first time; the hormones, the rage, the experience; we all remember our first crushes and our first loves, right? How difficult was it to hold everything together as a young person, school, work, friends, boyfriend, family obligations, and culture. The overreaction when something didn’t go our way; the amount of push into something that was not working out; the lack of understanding when things weren’t working. You remember, right?
Well, the other night, I was having dinner with a close girlfriend. We were catching up. She was talking to me about her husband. Things weren’t working. She is this close to filing for divorce. Being the good friend that I am, I sat and listened to her the whole time. She wanted my advice on the situation. However, I don’t feel it is my place to interfere in a young married couple’s life, as no one knows your husband like you do. However, I do believe in being supportive. She said she was going to fly to California and visit her parents before filing for divorce formally. She did confide in me that she was secretly speaking to her boyfriend from high school. Thanks to the internet – which we didn’t have years ago – she was able to locate him and find out how he is doing.
Breaking Up & Making Up
While my friend was talking to her boyfriend, they talked about possibly rekindling their romance. While my friend had been married for the past two years, her boyfriend had been single and working since high school. They still had strong feelings for one another. My friend and her boyfriend reminisced about the past and they discussed why they had broken up in the first place. Both came to the realization that they were still in love with one another.
After listening to my friend talk her heart out, I thought a lot about this. I wondered if this is a good idea. Were her feelings genuine or was she just feeling lonely in her marriage? From a psychologist’s point of view, what was going on here? I mean it is true when you are young and in love, you experience all your first times together. However are the bonds you share with the people you meet young stronger than the bonds you share with people you meet in your late 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?
From my research, I found that lost and found loves from your early developmental years are more common than you would think, thanks to our newer technology of being able to locate people.
The Desi Take on Relationships
Early romantic relationships may be indelible on the psyche because they are forged in the hormonal fire of the teenage brain. It is true that high school sweethearts do eventually split apart, as they want to see what is next however when people get older and their experiences start formulating they begin to yearn for the nostalgia of the past and crave someone who really knows them. Those who come together with first or early loves are bombarded with the explosive and sexual chemicals of new love, along with profoundly satisfying chemicals of new love. It is quite a mix you’ll love!
The memories of your first love are more meaningful than the memories of your parents’ relationships. By this I mean, if you are experiencing problems in the intimacy department this may have more to do with your earlier experiences in your first love department. If you had a “soul crushing” experience early on, then you may be apprehensive about new partners and new people that you meet throughout your lifetime. Keep in mind that the richest memories you will ever form in life are between the ages of 10 and 30.
When you hit middle age, you may start feeling an emotional desire to see the ending of this love story play out. You might have a need to return to the “good old days.” We also may want to return to our special connection to our idealized selves, when we were trying to formulate ourselves and find out who and what we stand for.
However be warned, that once you locate your first love, life may never be the same again. Your first love could be happily married with children, he could be single and living in a different state, he could be holding a grudge against you for some unknown reasons – the possibilities are endless.
As I advised my friend, do what is best for you and do what you want to do. However, don’t lie to anyone or leave them in limbo.
Don’t play with fire, if you are not ready to get burned!
xoxo
Monica Marwah
(Monica Marwah is a 30-something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)
Related Posts:
Straight Talk from the Single Desi
Desi Dilemma- Pros and cons of the Single Life
The Single Desi Conquering the Inner Bully
Single Desi – Mid 30′s – What Now
