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Valentine’s Day Special

 Dad, Dad and Daughter – A Very Special Love Story

[dropcap] W[/dropcap]ho is Saavi Nadia Hazra-Sheth?

A Special Gift, a miracle which would not have been possible a few decades ago.

She is the beautiful daughter born to Neeral Sheth and Anu Hazra just before Christmas. When the two had got married in a big fat Indian wedding three years ago, the news made it to all media, from the US to India, including the New York Times. Yes gay couples have been getting married for some time now but not with such fanfare and with such in-your-face celebrations.

Love is Love is Love -Anu Hazra & Neeral Sheth

Lassi with Lavina carried an indepth interview with the couple which went viral and was picked up by media includingThe Huffington Post.  The story appealed to readers because it was a bit of impossibility, a fairy-tale happy ending for a community which had struggled with so many hardships and rejection across the world.

This was a real life saga of celebration, of how family members were not only accepting of their union but delighted to be part of the wedding celebration,  including all the religious traditions which had been off-bounds to gay couples. This wedding helped make Indian marriage traditions and rituals ‘normal’ and inclusive of gay couples, and showed society that a big fat Indian wedding and approval of all family members was more than possible, with the right attitude and love.

https://www.lassiwithlavina.com/thebuzz/love-is-love-is-love-anu-hazra-neeral-sheth/html

And now the next step! Neeral and Anu became proud parents through surrogacy, proving that parenthood is the right of every gay couple – and being a dad or a mom is totally possible

Read on for the next chapter in this on-going love story. An exclusive interview with Neeraj and Anu.

Q, What were the steps that you had to take to make this happen?

 A: We used to lay awake during the early days of our relationship talking about having children.  We knew we wanted to have children some day but this was so difficult to visualize; it became something of a pipe dream, tucked away in the recesses of our mind as life progressed around us.

We were lucky to know some friends who had success in the processes of both surrogacy and adoption, and this gave us hope of realizing our dream.  We needed to make sure that we were financially stable before we were ready to get started.   We were interested in either adoption or surrogacy, but for our first child we decided to pursue surrogacy.  We first found an in-vitro fertilization clinic that we trusted, and a surrogacy agency that would help us match with a surrogate.

Q: This must have required the support and feedback of family and friends? I’m sure both your parents must have had grandchildren on their minds and a longing to become grandparents!

A: Our families were very supportive from the start of when they learned we had begun this process.  They may have been surprised to know that we had been contemplating this at first and, just like us, were brand new to the process…possibly because same-sex adoption parentingis not often discussed within the South Asian community nor represented much in mainstream media.  Neeral’s brother and Anu’s sister both have daughters, and all were incredibly excited that they would be welcoming a baby cousin to the mix.

Our South Asian friends and LGBTQ+ friends have all been especially ecstatic for us.  It is not necessary to have children to legitimize relationships or families, but many of our friends were excited for the path that we chose.  After we first announced the pregnancy, several of our LGBTQ+ friends have come forward asking questions about the process and contemplating whether they want to have children.

Q: What were the initial steps you had to take – perhaps you could provide a sort of blueprint for gay couples hoping to become parents.

 A: We started the process in 2018, and because of COVID and some other bumps in the road, our journey ended up being longer than most.  Navigating the process without having a lot of experience was certainly challenging with its own costs, both financially and emotionally.

There was also the complicated legal process, impacting every aspect of our journey from matching with a surrogate through the amending of the details of Saavi’s birth certificate.  But we can say all this was absolutely worth it and have only added to our appreciation of Saavi, we cannot imagine our lives without her!

At times it felt like chaos, trying to get things ready for Saavi, but we had a number of wonderful moments as well.   As her nursery started to come together, we would just sit in the room together in awe that we were about to finally have a child.  Our friends and family threw us a baby shower where we got to celebrate her arrival as well as play some fun games and embarrass ourselves.

We were able to travel to Phoenix, AZ where our surrogate lived to join her for some of her prenatal appointments.  There we were able to see Saavi on the ultrasound and see her little movements which felt so surreal at the time.

Q: What were the initial days like, after Saavi’s birth? You must have been inundated with visitors!

 A: After Saavi’s birth, we stayed in Phoenix, AZ for a few weeks to get used to Saavi’s routine before heading home.  Family and friends have sent so many well wishes to us.  Due to this season being full of the flu, RSV, and COVID, right now we are limiting visitors until Saavi gets old enough for her immune system to be mature.   We are visiting my parents for the holidays and they can’t hold in their excitement of meeting her.

Q; What would be your advice to couples hoping to go the surrogacy route?

 A: Every journey is different, and we would recommend any person thinking about this to talk to as many folks as they can who have already been through this, to adjust expectations and know that this is going to be a long process.  You’ll need to have patience and recognize that there are many factors out of your control throughout the process.

Q: Finally, 2022 must have been a great year with the birth of Saavi and also the passing of the Respect for Marriage Act. Your thoughts and hopes for the coming years?

 A: Yes, 2022 has truly been a transformative year for us with much to celebrate.  We only hope to continue growing into parenthood in the coming years and are so excited to see Saavi flourish.  And while passage of the Respect for Marriage Act helps enshrine the legitimacy of our marriage and family, we cannot ignore the constant, and in some ways accelerating, threats to the livelihood of LGBTQ people in this country.

We are also acutely aware of how surrogacy and reproductive rights are intertwined; the current landscape post-Roe only poses more challenges and hurdles for similar people looking to start a family.  All this to say, while this year has been incredible for us, there is clearly more work to do in order to ensure Saavi the future she and her generation deserves.

Related Article:

Everything You Wanted to Know About Surrogacy but were Afraid to Ask