Desi Relationships: Five Female Friends to Avoid

Desi Singles – Female Friendships To Avoid

“Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.” -Yves Saint Laurent
Making and sustaining positive and healthy female friendships in your 20’s, 30’s and beyond is getting harder and harder.  Bonding and connecting has changed.  Everyone is looking for something. One time I was driving to work and I heard on the radio that a woman has an average of 3 good female friendships in her lifetime.  I am not a judgmental person but that number seems awfully low when you compare it to all the people you are going to meet in your life.

Why is it so difficult to bond with other females?  Are we playing The Game with each other?  What exactly is The Game? And are we winning or losing?  Are women not receptive enough to different viewpoints?   Are we simply trying to weed out the women who aren’t “our type” and narrow it down to people who are “our type”? How do we do that? Well, having traveled through this game called Life, I have learned a thing or two about whom we should look for and whom we should avoid.  Below, I outline six types of women who can either enhance our lives or leave devastating effects on our psyches.

Backstabbing Friend:

It takes a lot of energy to maintain friends, you have to keep them updated on social networking sites like facebook and twitter; you have to meet face to face by going out to dinner; you have to talk regularly on the phone; and plan girl’s night outs.  That is why, when one of your own female sisters stabs you in the back, it can really hurt.

We’ve all had at least one of these in our lives.  This person smiles sweetly with an ulterior motive and waits until we are most vulnerable to make their move.  Yes, you know who I am talking about.  Sometimes a pal has no malicious intentions at first, but suddenly becomes jealous of your success or latest boyfriend.  I know the feeling, there is nothing worse than trusting someone and then being let down.  Bounce this type of friend from your social network.  With friends like this, who needs enemies?

Phony Pal:

You know who I am talking about.  The friend, who smiles sweetly, tells you what you want to hear and then runs off and does whatever she pleases.  Now, I am a firm believer that one should go out and make oneself happy.   However it shouldn’t be at your expense.   She does not have your best interest at heart.  She will do anything to get the upper hand in this so called relationship.  Every word out of her mouth is a lie.  She will try and stop you from having a good time by canceling on your plans at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances (when in reality something hasn’t come up at all, she just wants to leave you hanging to create emotional need and to temporary block you from attending the concert, sporting event, and/or trip out of town).   Avoid this kind of friend at all costs.  It isn’t worth the temporary phony emotional closeness.

The Party Girl:

Who doesn’t love a good party? The Party girl just knows how to have a good time.  Just ask Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.  She is fun, pretty and knows how to work the club scene so that she gets into the right events.  The Party girl’s number is listed on your speed dial and she is your go to chick when you want a night out on the town.

But wait, there is more, you are the one she calls when she needs a ride home from the airport at 3 in the morning on her way back from South Beach, Miami.  She also could care less about that 2000 dollar Dolce and Gabbana dress she borrowed from you and left at her other friend’s apartment.  In addition to that, the other night she spilled Cranberry Vodka on your Jimmy Choo shoes.  She doesn’t even bother to offer up an apology or money to have them cleaned.  However, you don’t mind, as you always have a place to go and you experience the best events in the city.

Just keep in mind one small fact, the party girl only cares about herself and the party.  The only reason she maintains a friendship with you, is so that she has someone she can enter and exit a party with. Having someone to party with when you need someone is a cool concept; however just put everything in perspective and you should be fine.

It’s All About Me:

We all know this kind of girl.  She incessantly talks nonstop about her boyfriend, her job,  her life etc, etc…enough already.  She rarely asks about you nor does she really care about you.  Her life revolves solely around her boyfriend and her life.  I mean come on; there are other things out there to talk about.  Sure, when you are young, you have a biological need to talk about the man that completes you.  However, there are other topics of conversations right?  After a while, do you really care about whether her needs are being met?  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate this type of friendship and see what you are getting from it.

The Clicky Chic:

As women, we all need a sense of security.  I mean, who do we go out with to the bars? Who throws us an awesome bachelorette party?  Who gives us an amazing baby shower?  Who plans expensive vacations to exotic locations?   In every group, there is a leader. She decides who makes the cut and who isn’t good enough for the group.  This person is the kind of women that everyone in the clique follows and looks up to.

The problem is the leader doesn’t like to see personal growth among her members. She wants her group members to be under her control.   Can you handle this type of friend?  I mean she always gives you a good time and she is there when you need emotional intimacy.  I mean isn’t that what all young women want?  After all, you are young, you look good, and you like to go out.  You also like to connect and feel part of a group.  You get invited out and you are part of the group when you are in a clique.  You just aren’t controlling any aspect of your social life. All friends are approved by the leader first.   If this is what you want, then go for it.

Desi Friend No. 1 – The Good Listener:

We all need a friend who listens to us.  I mean it is imperative to our emotional well being.  A sounding board is exactly what we need after a long day at work or a traumatic experience.  I mean, who else is going to validate our existence?   We all need to know someone who is interested in our welfare.  Good listeners frequently attend to our unspoken emotions and concerns.  Listening is essential to communication.  A good listener could also help you solve problems to your latest dilemma.  Every girl deserves to have a good listener in her corner.

Well Ladies, there you have it-Six types of friendships that can exist among modern day females.  Whether, you choose to seek out intimacy or go solo and talk to every type of person, there is always an experience to be had from the social world today.  Just be open and try to receive what is advantageous and beneficial to you.
xoxo

Monica Marwah

(Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist  in Philadelphia.  After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships.  Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )

Related Posts:

The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?

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