The Desi Relationships Roller-Coaster

When Desi Relationships Go Dysfunctional

It has happened to each and every one of us.  We find ourselves drawn to an angry and dysfunctional desi man.  We don’t know why we feel the way we do, all we know is that we are feeling something and we have to get this person out of our mind.  We can’t concentrate, eat or sleep.  Panic attacks hit us in the middle of the night, making it hard to sleep.  The next day is practically ruined.  Our agenda for the next day becomes, how do I get through the day without falling asleep at my desk or getting sick?   We have one minor problem as this person wants nothing to do with us.  They won’t even speak to us when they are angry.  Harsh words,  hurt feelings –  but silence breaks hearts.  We could be the sweetest, happiest, healthiest, prettiest person, but it doesn’t matter.  They just don’t see it in us.

Replaying Past Relationships

Whenever something like this happens, you have to be self analytical and discover your own personal truth.  You have to ask yourself repeatedly, why am I attracted to this kind of person?  A man, I know,  will offer me nothing but grief and agony.  Do I enjoy pain?  Is that the only emotion I have ever really experienced in life?  Am I trying to come to terms with some unresolved conflicts through this particular person?  Is this a replay of all the past relationships I have ever had with all the past men in my life.  It is never too late to turn and face the real story of how you became who you are in this world, in order to rid yourself of all emotional or behavioral patterns.

Empowering Yourself

Could you have had a rocky history with the key men in your life that have led you to view love as emotionally damaging.  By embracing the truth, you will finally be able to grieve the key people who have hurt you and damaged you emotionally without transferring those unresolved conflicts to float freely and attach themselves to future relationships and fixations.  Do not let the pain of the past dominate the future.  Look squarely at it, be strengthened by it and turn it into power.

There is a spark of electricity that flows in your favor when you stop denying what you have lived through and how it has left an impact on your remarkable existence.  Understand that you are not alone.  There are millions of women out there who find themselves drawn to the dysfunctional relational patterns of the past, unknowingly repeating the vicious cycle that drained their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins of their emotional freedom.  Feel empowered and know that you can break this unhealthy cycle and be a pioneer of change.

I, Me, Myself

I am in my 30’s and single.  I feel truly blessed that I didn’t capture the heart of one of these emotionally hollow men of my relationships past.  I don’t have to worry about catching a cold from their icy soul.  The reason being  that I have my life and nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams and aspirations.  No one’s depression is bringing me down. I am not under someone’s control, nor am I fighting against the tide.   I take care of myself and do what I see fit.  I don’t hear insults or criticisms on a daily basis.  I live how I want to live, dress according to my style and follow my favorite celebrities and inspirational figures on Twitter and Facebook.  My music and television interests are my own and shaped according to my own likes and dislikes.

A One-Woman Show

I set up my house according to my taste and I come and go as I please.  Life couldn’t be any sweeter.  Everyone needs love, but being addicted to a love that creates pain and confusion is just unnecessary and unsweetened.    There is no greater feeling than self love and tenderness from one’s own heart.  Being at peace is what a truly blissful life is all about.  Engage in some spiritual teachings from the Bhagavad Gita or the Bible.  As these Holy Scriptures can come in handy during emotional distress.  Make sure you keep a copy on your night stand and study it.

I understand that everything I am saying to you is just words.  You are going to feel the emotional tie for as long as your heart keeps holding on.  All I can do is encourage you to move on from this person and the rest is up to you.  Below are some moving on tips that could come in handy after a fresh split from an unhealthy emotional tie.

Desi Band-Aids for After the Split

1. Resist temptation to initiate communication with your ex and rekindle the relationship.  Believe me, you deserve better!
2. Even if you feel as if you hate them.  Always remember, that you truly don’t and you wish him the best (which includes getting him the help that he needs-not that it is any of your business anymore).  The relationship was too toxic for your mental health and state of being.
3. Don’t get a rebound boyfriend, as all you will be doing is transferring your feelings you once had for your ex onto this new person.
4. Write a closure letter.  I am a big fan of closure letters.  A closure letter sums up how you are feeling and validates what you are feeling like.  Even if the person does not respond because they are too emotionally unavailable.  Always remember that they are human and they did hear you.  An ignored person is always noticed.
5. Don’t go to their Facebook or Twitter page.  Out of sight, out of mind.
6. Exercise and eat healthy food.  Looking good is the best remedy.  Always remember that you love yourself and diseases like cancer and diabetes should not creep into your life.  The more you exercise, the less depressed you feel.  It’s the truth.
7. Don’t listen to sad music.  You don’t want to be reminded of how painful you are feeling.
8. Don’t regret knowing the person, because trust me;,you got something out of it.  You learned more about yourself.
9. Make plans with friends and avoid staying alone or wallowing in self pity.
10. Have faith.  Life is a roller coaster ride.  You will reach your pinnacle one day.  Trust me.

“I am beautiful in my way, Cause God makes no mistakes.  I am on the right track baby, I was born this way.”

-Lady GaGa

xoxo

Monica Marwah

( Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist  in Philadelphia.  After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships.  Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )

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The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?