Love and Marriage: Can There Be Second Chances?
Monica Bhide Saigal, author of ‘A Kiss in Kashmir’, Gives Real Life tips on Love & Loss
She is a noted novelist and cookbook writer who seemed to have it all. The author of scores of cookbooks, non-fiction and fiction, she also had a happy marriage and picture book family with her husband and two young sons. Monica Bhide had already had a successful corporate tech career, followed by this abundance of good things.
Her bio says it best: “Equal parts storyteller and globe-trotter, Monica is an award-winning author, accomplished literary coach, and educator with over 15 years of experience, transcends countless borders—chronological, geographical, religious, and economical—to inspire her readers.”
And then suddenly the fairy-tale story turned sour. Her marriage of many years collapsed and with it all the things which it had anchored: family life, social life and her multifaceted career where she was chef, author and media personality.
Monica has always been a fighter and at this tough moment her warrior skills revved up. Through the pain she was able to traverse the difficulties and find a new happy ending for herself and her family, and also discover new strengths and powers within herself. She dropped her married last name Bhide and is now Monica Saigal – her maiden name – with her latest novel, ‘A Kiss in Kashmir.’
Since so many women go through difficult transitions, Monica sat down with Lassi with Lavina and through the wisdom gained through the upheaval of her own life, she gives real life solutions to the turmoil many of us women face as we fly solo and discover our true selves.
Monica Saigal Answers Questions About Love, Marriage, Divorce and Finding One’s True Self
1.Marriage is regarded as an institution which is supposed to last a lifetime and yet often things don’t pan out. What do you do then when you’re faced with a bitter taste of not having found the right person or the right person is no longer the right person. What do you think?
Life’s like a dance, with marriage being one of its most complex moves. Sometimes, even when we intend to dance side by side with someone forever, our steps may lead us in different directions. This isn’t a sign of failure but rather a reflection of life’s intricate dance and our own bravery in seeking what’s true and genuine for us.
Realizing that a marriage might not be forever can become, once the initial turmoil settles, a pivotal moment for introspection. It’s a chance to grasp the lessons learned, to approach the future with openness to growth and new beginnings. It’s also a time to be kind to ourselves and appreciate those who’ve been part of our journey.
I hold onto the belief that the end of a marriage doesn’t close the book on love or happiness. Instead, it turns the page to a fresh chapter where we have the chance to write a story filled with resilience, discovery, and elegance.
2. Monica, in this new book you address something which happens very often in women’s real lives, the loss of love, the loss of a first love and how to deal with it. So can you give a synopsis of the story and how you came up with it
“A Kiss in Kashmir” is a tale of love, loss, and the possibility of second chances, set against the majestic backdrop of Kashmir. The story follows Sharmila, a painter at a crossroads in her life, who journeys to Kashmir to orchestrate her daughter Alina’s wedding. Here, she encounters George, a retired professor of Indian art history, who shares Sharmila’s experience of lost love. As they explore the breathtaking landscapes of Kashmir together, a delicate romance blossoms between them, offering a glimpse of a future filled with hope and second chances. It’s a narrative that resonates with the themes of enduring love, the resilience of the human spirit, and the quest for happiness amidst the trials of life.
In terms of how I came up with it, I wrote the story I wanted to read. Most romances and love stories that I have come across tended to be either for a much younger audience or were tragedies. I wanted to read a happy story… so I wrote one!
3. Was it cathartic writing ‘Kiss in Kashmir’ and how did the story develop? Tell us about it.
Penning “A Kiss in Kashmir” really took me on an emotional rollercoaster—in the best way possible. It felt like the story gently unfolded itself, piece by piece, as I dove into the heart of Kashmir and tangled with the kind of love that’s timeless. So yes, it was cathartic but also very enriching.
This whole idea kicked off from a mix of inspiration and a bit of daydreaming. Kashmir, with its breathtaking scenery and layers of complicated history, always caught my fascination. I wanted to dive deep into what makes this place tick—its unbreakable spirit and the deep, meaningful connections people make there, against all odds.
Enter Sharmila and George, two souls intertwined with their own past sorrows and wisdom. Their path to each other, set in the mesmerizing scenes of Kashmir, wasn’t just about stumbling upon love again. It was more about reigniting hope and the boldness to seize second chances. Crafting their story felt like a personal journey of healing for me, a chance to touch upon themes of mending, starting afresh, and the relentless strength of our spirits.
Writing this book was my way of celebrating life’s intricate beauty and the flickers of light we find even in our darkest moments. I really hope that readers see a bit of their own path to healing and bravery to love again in these pages.
4. You have always dealt with many career changes – was this life change easy to do?
My career’s been a bit like hopping from one steppingstone to another across a flowing river. It’s been all about chasing what lights a fire in my soul. Jumping from tech to food writing, and then into the world of novels wasn’t just about chasing a thrill. Each leap was about listening to what my heart was eager to explore next, even if it meant starting from scratch each time.
Switching careers is as scary as it sounds! Each time, it was about leaning into the unknown with a bit of grit and a whole lot of faith in my heart. It was never just about landing somewhere new but about growing roots, absorbing everything, and letting it shape me.
Looking back, it’s this patchwork of experiences that’s truly enriched my life. Sure, it was tough—like, really tough at times. But it also taught me a ton about bravery, the beauty of beginning again, and the sheer joy found in following your passions, wherever they may lead you.
5. Can therapy or counselling help – or are Indian women still reluctant to go that route. What is the hardest part of starting over.
For a long time, cultural norms and expectations, especially among Indian women, kind of put a lid on openly talking about mental health or seeking help. But that’s shifting. People are beginning to see just how crucial mental well-being is and are getting more comfortable reaching out for support. It’s a really positive sign that the conversation is opening up, breaking down those old stigmas and making mental health care something we can all talk about and access more freely. And, yes, therapy helps a lot and for me has been critical to my own survival.
Honestly, the toughest part about hitting the reset button on life? It’s staring down the things about ourselves we’re not so proud of. It’s like deciding to clean out that one junk drawer but finding it goes way deeper than you thought. You’ve got to muster up the bravery to dig deep, face the not-so-pretty stuff, and really get to know yourself. And yeah, deciding to make a change and stick with it requires a kind of gutsiness and a heart wide open to whatever comes next.
But here’s the kicker: as much as it’s a challenge, it’s also incredibly empowering. Think of it as grabbing the pen and writing the next chapter of your life yourself. It’s a chance to really get who you are, value your own worth, and move into the next phase with a clearer purpose and a stronger sense of self. The journey of healing, I think, is all about embracing the comeback story that lives in each of us.
6. What part do the children play in this?
As a mother, my children are my heart walking around outside my body. They’ve been my compass, guiding me through life’s ups and downs with their laughter, tears, and endless questions. They’ve taught me the power of unconditional love and the strength that comes from vulnerability. They play the most beautiful part in my journey—reminding me that no matter what, we have each other, and that’s our greatest strength.
7.What tips would you give to women who are looking for love the second time around?
Embracing love for the second time is a testament to the resilience of the heart and the unwavering belief in new beginnings. For women stepping into this journey anew, my advice is woven from threads of hope and courage.
First, carry forward the wisdom gleaned from past experiences, but let go of the burdens that weigh down your spirit.
Second, trust in the timing of your life. Love, often, finds us when we least expect it, in the most unexpected places
Third, listen to your heart but also engage your mind.
And finally, remember that you are enough. Your worth is not defined by your relationship status but by the depth of your soul.
Walk with your head held high and let your heart be your guiding light.
8. Can you tell from your own experience that life does go on and love becomes sweeter as we change our mind and change our thinking?
In my own life, I’ve seen firsthand how embracing change can lead the way to deeper, richer love and happiness. Each time we shift our way of thinking, it’s as if we’re opening our hearts a bit wider, and finding new reasons to be grateful.
Sure, change can be a bit scary, but it’s also incredibly powerful. It nudges us out of our comfort zones, challenging us to grow and find sweetness in the unfamiliar. Life, with all its twists and turns, keeps moving on, and as we adapt, the love we experience starts to feel even more profound and meaningful.
9. What has been the best part of this learning experience for you?
Going through my divorce really turned my world inside out and reshaped me. It opened my eyes to the strength we all carry within us and how deeply we can connect with others’ stories and struggles. It was a journey that not only taught me a lot about empathy but also filled my soul with a richer understanding of compassion. I’ve come out of it more grounded in who I am, more open-hearted, and truly thankful for every bit of shared humanity and every story that has touched my life.
